Monday, 6 October 2014

A New Kind of Normal

I've been pretty quiet on the blogfront recently. I've not really found much time for making stuff!

Yes, I had a baby 6 weeks ago, and yes, I've had a baby before, but honestly, I don't think I was fully prepared this time. I didn't realise quite how much our life would change with another one!

I think it's safe to say now, with hindsight, that I was in a bit of denial during my pregnancy. After all we went through the year before, and the termination of two, very wanted pregnancies, I guess I was worried throughout that something might happen and this baby would be taken from me too. People kept asking me if I thought I was carrying a girl or a boy, if I had an inkling either way. I really didn't know, and I realise now that I didn't dare to even think that far ahead. I was even in denial during the first part of labour! Those regular, increasingly painful 'contractions' weren't real contractions. No, of course not!

The birth was so quick that I think anyone would have been in shock, but that coupled with my minds denial and my huge desire for everything to just be ok, I really was knocked for six when our daughter was put in my arms.

Fast forward a week or so and things were going really well. My husband was on Paternity leave and we were having fun. It felt like we were all on holiday, even with a tiny baby in tow!

Skip forward another week or so and reality had hit. Except it wasn't a reality any of us knew. Wiss started primary school, my husband went back to work starting a new job, and I was also starting my new role: a stay-at-home mum of two, doing the school runs every day, looking after the house and our baby, and trying to run 'This is Wiss' at the same time. What was 'normal' life for all of us has radically changed. And it's taking a little bit of getting used to.

As well as the obvious changes there are many tiny adjustments to be made. I'm no longer able to be with Wiss whenever he wants me, for instance. If I'm feeding or settling Ferne he's had others attending to him instead. I know he's a big boy in many ways but it's still a big change to understand that he's no longer the centre of attention. He told me  that he preferred me "when you were normal, mama. Before you had Ferne in your tummy"! And to be honest, I miss being with him too. I've fallen into the trap of expecting Wiss to suddenly be more grown up a few times. He seems so big compared to Ferne that I have to remember he is still only 4 years old.

I'm also very aware that our whole life is moving at a different speed now. Before, we were able to go at Wiss's speed and enjoy the dilly-dallying, delight in taking our time. Now with school runs and a crying baby, we always seem to be in a hurry. I'm already sick of saying  "come on!"

I was feeling a little despondent last week about all this but a very wise friend on Twitter suggested we just needed to find our 'new kind of normal'. Life is all about adapting to changes big and small. In time, this becomes our 'normal' and we can barely remember how it used to be.

So I'm trying to embrace the way things are: slow down and enjoy the little stuff whenever we can, spend as much time with Wiss when Ferne is sleeping and accept that my time is not my own at the moment. But this too, will pass! Since starting to write this post a week ago, things have already changed: Ferne is sleeping better so not crying so much, I'm feeling more confident and am making a new network of friends to hang out with during the day. Plus, we're getting real smiles now and those make everything better!


  1. When you have your first baby you spend the pregnancy preparing for an enormous change in your life and everyone around you is there to offer help and advice. With the second, you think you know what's going to happen. I was massively under prepared when I had my second child and it was as you describe, the feeling that you can't be there for the older one who is still quite small. In many ways it was harder going from one to two than from none to one! Having said all thst, I promise it gets easier pretty quickly and watching your children form their relationship when the baby gets more responsive is totally amazing. Lots of love to you all xx

  2. Hi Beth, that's really interesting. I'm sorry you had a hard time too, but it's also good to hear I'm not alone in this. I really did think that we would know what we were in for this time!
    And its very reassuring to know it does get easier! I'm looking forward to the interaction between to the two as Ferne gets bigger.
    Lovely to hear from you and thanks for reading x

  3. Firstly congratulations on number 2 great news and secondly congratulations on your blog. Write about what you know and you have. I only have one so don't know how it is with two but I hear it does get easier and things change very quickly. You are an amazing family and have each other to hold you up. This is Wiss can wait you won't get this precious time back so enjoy every bit! Love Rachel D'Cruze x

    1. Thanks Rachel! It is already getting easier - I guess we all grow together. You're so right that this time is precious xx


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